With migraines gone and a new beginning...imagine TV in the eighties and then TV now...high def...turn the clarity up, I was more curious than ever what He wanted with me. I felt like a newbie learning to play a sport...you know like if I tried to learn how to play soccer....no hate mail Coach Stacy!
Well, weight of past failures and hurts still gone, check. But what was this question that still lingered with me? My heart just kept coming back around to it...adoption. We had wanted to do it or fostering but had all but talked ourselves out of the possibility....did He really want us to do something so important....you know the us that couldn't fix our own headaches or control the universe....you know..maybe we weren't meant to control the universe or fix everything in it....maybe He wants a relationship where we interact with Him....it may sound silly but I think He may relish and enjoy sharing in our journey...not because He needs us...but because He made us, He loves us
So I went to the next Embrace 127 meeting and little did I know just how He plans for us. It was through the Embrace that I met Stacy F a while back. She and her hubby had just come back from China with their newly adopted, cutie-patootie little boy. As we got to know each other, we learned we both had boys named Brooks, loved sports, and both have a penchant for funny irony. Mind you our hubby's had never met....yet. That week, my husband decided it was time to join a men's bible study. He goes in early one morning before anyone else had arrived and sat down at a table not realizing each table was an individual group. A guy came in next and sat down next to him. His name was John......F. yes, Brent ended up sitting at Stacy's husband's bible study table that he leads each week. The two talked and started realizing their wives already met. Just another time He was looking out for us without us knowing it yet!
Not long after, John F. asked Brent if he was ready to attend an Emmaus walk. Brent being the thinker and contemplater(yes, I know this isn't a real word) he is, mulled but ultimately decided that yes, he was ready for his Emmaus walk, so Josh sponsored him....Brent went thinking it would be a lot of bible study and praying....what he didn't realize was that Emmaus is where God has connected many dots, left many breadcrumbs, and woven a fabric of people just for you....and it's like that for each that attend. He is that amazing! Brent came home....different...he had no question of what we were to do, our place in the universe, our next if you will. He had found "it". I'll tell you about "it" a little later...promise. His first statement that evening to me at home, "You know we're supposed to adopt right". I smiled at him and said, "Yeah, I know"
We were invited to an adoption benefit by Stacy F. where we got to hear about many families right here in our area adopting both domestically and internationally. It was amazing to hear about their families! Close to the end of the night, the lady that was providing the entertainment who was a fabulous singer, was about to sing a new song of her own. She told how she came to the words and spoke about little children that were being given a second chance....you know those taps you get when He's talking to you or letting you know, listen!, when you feel as if your heart is going to explode because you know you're hearing something that is impacting the rest of your life....course changing....I had that at that moment....and then...that very moment was when I knew....it was a she, a her....oh my(insert smile here)
At the end of the evening right as we're walking out, Stacy approached me and had this serious look on her face. I thought she was going to say something horrible, but out she pops with, "Do you want to do your Emmaus walk?"......I said yes, no contemplating. I'm a cliffjumper when it comes to stuff like that. Mind you that all I knew of these "walks" were what I had picked up in my youth at Camp Sumatanga...we only saw them on breaks....walking around....with their Bibles....you can imagine what I thought I was in for....and the confusing conversations before I went with those that had been given my skewed youth view of Emmaus walkers on their breaks....I felt like confused Ramona in a Beverly Clearly book!
Over the course of the next weeks, every question we put out there, He not only answered but put amazing, loving people in our path to guide us through to where we are now. One of those first Sundays, we got our first inkling of just how God watches over us. The Saturday night before, we had started reading about adoption and were trying to figure out how you even go about beginning your process, to say what all is involved is overwhelming is like saying people in Alabama like football. Ha...did you like how I slipped that in there ;) So, remembering we don't have to carry it alone, we prayed that He would put someone out in front us that already knew about this and could teach us how to move through the process. Well, don't ever say he doesn't do what you asked for....or that He doesn't have a sense of humor about it either! The next morning at church we take our regular seats, you know, second row, second section.........and a few minutes into service in come walking Stacy and John F. and their brood.....and they sit right in front of us(never have sat there) and they turn to us and ask if we want to eat lunch with them after church! I'm sure they thought that Brent and I were some kind of socially stumped yokels as we turned and gawked at each other...but they just didn't know at the time they were acting as "hands and feet" for a couple who really needed it.
As I'm taking the boys to an afternoon activity, I hear the song by the Lumineers, Hey, Ho...you know, You belong with me, I belong with you...you're my sweeeeethearrrrrt. And I get the tap, heart squeezing, pay attention Kristen-thingy again. You know how songs bring images, associations, moments from long ago that we see in our mind? Well, I saw the image of a little Asian girl with bangs, shoulder length hair, violet colored sweater with her arms tight around my oldest's neck and his around hers and they were cheesing for the camera...the next image she was in her daddy's arms...Brent and they were smiling. You can bet this "not a crybaby" welled up and had to lie to my boys and tell them I had something in my eyes! My her!
Next, Brent is worried....this is so big....did He really mean us? Can we really do this? I told him, we just need faith the size of a mustard seed, I had had this written on my prayer board since releasing my life to Him Mustard Seed, Mustard Seed, Mustard Seed=Faith, Living life afraid means you're not trusting in God's goodness and plans for you and others!...........that Sunday in church Alan preaches an entire sermon on the mustard seed. Brent just looked at me and his eyes got really big.
We're looking over our finances trying to see what to get in order and Brent is worried about never being able to retire...........that Sunday in church John who isn't supposed to even preach on our side for 13 weeks is given a slot by Alan and preaches an entire sermon on not worrying about retirement. That we're supposed to serve and never stop serving....retirement shouldn't be in our vocabulary, it's not the goal. Guess what his first example was of one of the things we could do...hahaha...yep, orphancare! Brent hasn't spoken of retirement since :)
Next we go to Orange Beach to a work conference/vacation. Brent comes in from morning prayers and shares about a dream he had the night before. He asked if we had ever in prior years had a Ruth or Ruthie in our Sunday School classes(we've always taught 3 year olds) I told him no, we've never had anyone with that name. He dreamed that he was on a basketball court(weird, we're baseball people) and was kneeling next to this little girl that was Asian, pigtails with yellow rubberbands, and wearing a purple jersey. He said something to her and patted her on the back and sent her off running and as she did, he saw that the name on the back of the jersey was Ruthie. He asked what I thought about it and I asked if he had ever read the book of Ruth, he had not. I suggested he read it. He did. He sat down to speak with me about it and I asked what he thought about it past the kid version we're all taught, you know, sheaves of wheat and all. He just wasn't sure. I said that I thought maybe it had to do with the fact that Ruth was a foreigner from another land that came to her present place and had to rely on the kindness, care if you will of strangers. They took her in and adopted her as their own. Simple enough right...He wasn't done there peeps.
When we returned it was time for me to go on my Emmaus walk. I had never been away from Brent or the boys ever. This would be weird! Stacy F. picked me up and on our way we stopped for supper and saw another group headed to Emmaus. We all decided to eat together. Little did I know the plans He had for me meeting some of those women.
So we get to Emmaus, do our dropoff thing(Emmaus is somewhat a surprise for those not having been on one so I won't put a lot of details. I promise, to leave it a surprise is a gift that was given so sweetly to me that I will just as sweetly give to others) and head off to our first Emmaus event: Meeting people and table seating. For the duration, you are seated at tables names for people in the bible. Everyone stands and as their names are called you head to your new table soon to meet your new tablemates. I was one of the last to be called, they called my name......and said Table of Ruth......wha?????? I get to my table and we start meeting each other. The lady to my right had just returned from China, the lady to her right was saving to go to China on missions, the lady to my left...her grand-daughter had just had a specialized heart surgery....as it turns out at the same hospital that my dear friend Stacy F.'s cousins were in China bringing home a little girl to that very hospital for the same surgery that we had discussed on our way to this Emmaus as it was literally happening right then.
We go on a break and come back to our tables and this lady that I just met at the break walks up to me and tells me, "Here's yours"....my what? "Here's yours....hold out your hand", as I did, she placed the tiniest mustard seed in my palm. I just wanted to cry. I still have that mustard seed.
Emmaus for me was the realization of a second thing I had missed/ignored for quite some time. Firstly, I had been ignoring MY relationship with Him for quite some time, don't get me wrong, we attended church, served by teaching Sunday School, working in the Food Pantry, etc. Whatever needed to be done, but I was so busy doing all of that I ignored Him...I guess partly because it meant acknowledging all that burden and imperfection I was hoping He wouldn't notice....ummm....clueless party of one! He doesn't want that kind of perfect....we are already perfect....however we are.....we are made in His likeness...however He made us...with all our little quirks and hangups and craziness and He loves us just the same! Once past that fact, you can move on to the important stuff: 1)relationship with Him 2)relationship with others
I had forgotten the fun and beauty of having friendship, specifically women around me. These relationships are integral! We're supposed to be in community with one another, be here for each other, support one another. I lived like that as a child when in a rural area, but over time had retreated into my suburban volunteerism, but kept people at a distance by keeping the relationships at that. I probably won't change totally overnight, but I'm working so hard to nurture friends and not just volunteer but love on people. I love the group of women I shared my walk with. I keep in touch with many. Some I think don't realize just how much they and their words and actions have and do mean to me. DeColores!
Emmaus was an amazing experience...I offer you this challenge, if you are asked to go on your Emmaus walk, say Yes! You only get to do one in your lifetime, MAKE IT COUNT!
So, back to our story...how to tell our boys....how are they going to react? Well, we woke up Mother's Day and decided that was as good a day as any and then chickened out...head hanging down...and then went on to substitute for Sunday School that morning since we were still on break from regular class. We didn't know our room assignment but could pick it up on the way in. We get in there and are sitting there waiting on the littles, talking about should we tell the boys at lunch and I look up....I said to Brent to look up....there was a sign in front of us...Purple 3's and then in walk one after the other 3 little girls, dressed in either purple or purple hair bows...they all had their hair in pigtails....okay, okay....we got the point. We decided definitely lunch and then we chickened out.....head hanging down....and then went to run errands. We saw and ran into every single parent and little girl of the adoptive families that we had met through the adoption fundraiser and then a few more we didn't know for good measure...like literally run into...okay, okay....we got the point. We'll tell them at home...and as Seth came walking around with a purple coneflower(really!!!) we pulled them over to us and told them what we would be doing in months to come, about breadcrumbs and mustard seeds He had left in our path for us to find, and how we would keep praying that He would keep leaving them for us!
The boys were over the moon excited! How did this work? How did we know if it was a boy or girl? We told them that we would ask for a girl but that ultimately we had to pray, it was God's will. He brought us this far! Well, my oldest takes off running in the house. We finish up outside and head into the house. He comes downstairs and plops on the couch and announces that, "It's done"....uh, what's done. "What do you mean?", "Well, I prayed for our adoption and I prayed for a sister....it's done...it's a her!"....ummm....do you think adults complicate the world much? My youngest is pretty cool with the idea of a sister too. His only qualifications is that she like baseball and kickball....oh and that there be chicken nuggets where we're going to adopt. Both are secretly hoping she'll root for their team, we're a split family, with myself being an Alabama grad and youngest cheering for Alabama and Brent being an Auburn grad and oldest cheering for Auburn. They both announced she would be the tiebreaker. They already love her and are making plans to include her in our lives and don't know her yet....faith...I would say bigger than a mustard seed.
Oh my! We're so close to present day my time travelers! You've almost made it....stick with me and I'll get us there in one, two more posts tops :) Until next time...look for your bread crumbs...He leaves them...and don't ignore those taps or heart squeezes....those are His way of getting us to pay attention! And I offer you this...faith may or may not come easy to you...regardless, He loves you....all it takes is that tiny little mustard seed size beginning to start a journey to something quite extraordinary....
kk
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